I hear I am crazy and/or weird
I don’t know if the many people with this opinion are right, or I am just in denial.
I wake up
slowly get ready for the day
Lets the day develop
Work if I have to
Get in pajamas
I am unsure where in that ‘normal routine’ do I show my crazy colors.
humans annoy me. Take a person and show me just their head. I bet on my mothers bible that I can tell you their outfit and aspirations.
It might be my sixth sense for being great at being judgmental.
If I described myself to you, then showed you a lineup of humans with me included, I suppose you wouldn’t pick me to match my personality.
Maybe you don’t have my sixth sense, or maybe I’m a living puzzle.
Then again I could be wrong about that one too. One thing about me that undeniable is I have a warped sense of self. If someone yells out “hey blondie” I will turn in their direction, but when a person describes me, it doesn’t sound accurate what so ever.
My fear of mirrors started when I was a teen. Seeing my own image or a photo I found ugly, made me battle a self-loathing adrenaline rush.
Looking at a large mirror image of me quickly filled my brain with a list of flaws and imperfections. The horrifying reality that someone so repulsive and unsightly was staring back. I couldn’t figure out why I would hear I was ‘cute’ or ‘pretty’ or ever ‘skinny’. Assholes. There was nothing funny about teasing me. Sarcastic remarks. Now as I look back, it was stupid of me to snap at people for their compliments or ignoring them. It made me look cocky in their eyes.
They were only trying to be nice. I’m pleading that I was just a self loathing kid.
I still avoid mirrors. I still avoid photos. I’m just more subtle about it now.
When I hear remarks of being weird or crazy, its more so from strangers, so they wouldn’t have the chance to see me dodge reflections. I’m not making up excuses, just informing you on the possibility on how I earned my judgmental sixth sense.