Today i was wrestling with the dog.
i took his toy and was pulling it away from him and he let go.
it shot me back and i smacked myself in the face with the plastic toy.
i didnt feel the best at that point
so i thew his toy, and picked up the book i have been reading.
I leaned back on the foot of the couch and started reading where i left off yesterday.
while i was skimming down to see where i stopped last time, a red drop hit the page.
in a mood i havent been in awhile,
i just watched it,
fade on top,
and gather at the bottom of the drop,
it started to roll down the page,
leaving a faded trail behind. and drip onto my shirt.
then another drip hit the page.
i watched my book become a streaked white and red mess.
all i could think about is how, in those small dots, you can find out every millameter of my DNA. you can create a new me, you can poision me. those little dots is what i am made of. usually i would have just blotted the spot off the first time and stopped the bleeding, but this time it was different.
all i am is this soul, incased in a body. i feed this body horrible food, and give it soda and sugar. i expect myself to be functional. yet i treat myself like an old unloved car. how can i expect to life a good lfe when i dont even realize or care about what i am. i give myself the tripp about never drinking or doing drugs, but i eat candy
and for my soul, i swear and make dirty jokes.
i dont want to be that person that i am... the one that takes advantage of a drop of my own blood. i most likey sound insane right now. but i dont want to be a horrible person, and i want to treat my firends like the amazing people that they are.
im going to be quitting my job soon. i hate this job with all my heart. so, im going to be packing my car up with my belongings... and just driving to other states and hangout with friends, maybe get to know everyone better.
life is a good teacher, so is a bloody nose.
if i can stay at your house a few nights let me know, i wont be able to pay you, but i'll clean, maybe we can hangout with your parents, or take a walk.. let me know, cuz i want to know you.
and become the best i can.