why why why!!!

Hormones are stupid.
I changed this one. It sounded more whiny then what I wanted.

But now Ill just be honest.

I have this problem called needing attention Im not wearing short skirts to get it, or getting perverted, or getting an obscure sleeve tattoo. Its because I have been seen as a body, a face. The girls I have hung around want to get attention for their looks and I dont want to be that person. I have been called every name in the book. From bitch, slut, to beautiful, and breath-taking. But after awhile, thats all you feel like you are. I was never good in school. I ditched all the time, I just quit caring. But I would go to see my friends and to talk and to flirt with this number one stunner Steve Moran. I made it a point that I wasnt dressed like a hoe, but I could still look good. It was kind of a silent protest.

Now being nineteen and getting on my own feet. I want to be an adult. And think like one.

The more I see people live and analyze them, I have come to the mind set that there is no such thing as a pure fondness for another person. No real compassion. So many people say "were in love" I just want to know if they even know what that is. I dont. all I see is people I know, having deeper intentions for the person they like. For sex, for a trophy, for money, to rid themselves of loneliness, to raise self-esteem.

There are too many guys to even attempt to count that have walked all over me. I can only say that a few have even been a positive characters in my life. For that I am so thankful and blessed. However, I see people walking hand in hand and malls or concerts and I marvel at the fact that they could have found each other. I have never been in a relationship where I could just go to dinner and hold a guys hand. The longest boyfriend I have had without breakups is. three weeks. Thats it. to me that sound like a hell of a lot of time.

I just date guys who want to keep me around for the moment. Or I will date them, and talk about how I feel about abstinence and not going farther then making out. Then they try to get downs with me and I freak out and tell them no. usually after that they blow me off. What confuses me the most is guys I have dated or guy friends that tell me I go shitty guys, and thats my problem.

NO. I dated you guys. What did you do? walk on me, get selfish, leave me, cheat on me, get some chick pregnant, lie to me and forget me. but for some fucking reason you feel as though you can give me guy advice. aw hell no.

I know I deserve the best, but when a guy is the best in my eyes, and he completely fucks me over, then what should I think?

And the only guys that do ask me out, or want to date Will most likely just fuck me over like the rest. It suck to be called a player, when you have only done what you have been taught.

So many guys say "Im not like that Im different" bull crap. that is what the last guy said and hes married and lives in Colorado.

I am not asking for a date, I'm just pretty much saying

"thanks a lot you assholes. Grow up. Get some manners and realize what you dont have"

over and out.