smile, please

i had someone very close to me die last week. i spent hours crying trying to find something pretty to wear. i know that sounds lame but i wanted to look nice for her when i said goodbye. it was my aunt. she is most likely one of the happiest people i have ever met. she imigrated here form germany in the 60's with her husband just so she could be closer to the lds religion. and her family was all luthren so it was her turning her back on her country and her own family for her faith. i hope someday that i will be faced with a fork in the road like that. it was odd seeing her not smiling or hugging me. but i didnt cry when i saw her. i wished i did, i felt like a robot i dont think it has hit me yet that shes gone. other news, i am wondering what my friends want for xmas, i am thinking about making all my gift this year, so i feel more grateful myself. i feel as tho i am taking everyone for granted. i talked to my ex that i was with for years, it was crazy how much we dont have in common. its a shock that we dont have any goals the same, we used to talk about getting married, but i knew it would never happen, and im glad we didnt work out becuase we would fight tooo much. hes happy tho and dating a red head, like he's always wanted, and i wish him the best. my mom got new sofa's. thats all she talks about, so if you are my friend, and come over, then please comment on how nice they are. other wish she'll fish for you to say something...................... soaking in the regrets i deny i changed for you to notice the smile becomes a smirk but i'm faking i'm sorry i just forgot what i was wanting desire to lie here tomorrow to pretend to mend the wounds you try to heal selfish i am, sorry take my apology its all i have left besides my dignity